There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
