New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
