then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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