did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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