Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
