You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
