The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
