She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
