yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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