I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
