after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
