have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
