So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
