i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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