Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
