what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
