he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
