This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
