goodnight i made you a song goodbye
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
