Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
