i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
