1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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