So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
