He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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