No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
