When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
