I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
