Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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