oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
