So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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