WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
