I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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