If that was your dad, he is hot
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He? As in you personified your dick?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
