Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
