Tell her she can't have a vagina
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
