She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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