is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
