He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
