It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
