Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
