Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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