i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
