So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
