Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
