So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
