oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
