I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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