Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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