Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
