trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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