fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
