The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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