I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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