So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
