Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
