Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
