Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
