I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
