Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
