you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
