Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
