You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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